Open Source: Helping Moms and Dad
Here’s how I’ve been spending time recently. My apologies for the personal nature of some of this, but I figure if it can help others fight the good fight for their aging parents and the situations they face or people who take advantage of them, let’s go!
Anyone is welcome to steal phrases or entire sections of any of this - might as well share the time I’ve spend writing…
The aging population is more and more on my mind now, especially as I’m getting older right along with my parents. And while technology can help in many ways, we really have to rely on people to help in these situations. In example one (my mom and dad) I got immediate response. I just wrote example two this morning, so it’s too early to tell how that will play out.
My Mom and Dad - situation - failing minds and eyes.
Good morning.
I’m writing to connect with someone about exploring resources for my parents, who live in Longview.
Mom is 84 and dad us 83. Mom is blind (macular degeneration) and dad is battling dementia which seems to be getting worse. Other than that, they’re both relatively happy and healthy, it seems.
My brother and sister-in-law live in Longview, and are helping mom and dad, but it’s getting increasingly difficult to do, especially with dad’s dementia. He is extremely forgetful, and they’re having trouble finding their way around the town they’ve lived in all (except the last four or five years) of their lives.
We have enlisted the help of a neighbor to ensure they get their pills twice a day, but we’re starting to worry about the following:
- Dad’s driving: if they go out, will they make it home? What if he gets agitated and causes an accident?
- Social activities: mom and dad have a circle of a few friends with whom they socialize, but we would like them to have regular activities to keep them enthusiastic about life. (transportation to movies, short day trips around the area, etc.)
Mom and dad are pretty independent, and we kids (my sister is in southern CA) are reluctant to put them in assisted living because:
1) they don’t have much money, and we fear they’d blow through it in any kind of decent facility
2) we want them (as long as they have each other) to feel in control of as much of their lives as possible
My brother and sister-in-law are exhausted as a result of a few recent events, and we’re looking for some simple help at this point.
May I ask someone to connect with me (I live in Portland, OR) and talk about what kinds of resources we might tap into?
Thank you for your time.
My sweetie’s Mom - situation - paying more for rent now, in a poorly ‘renovated’ apartment.
To Whom it May Concern:
We’ve just moved our mom back into your Sorrento Ridge (?) apartments on Friday, August 10. While we believe it’s a good move for her, and the complex is nice, the conditions inside her apartment (#901) are really quite appalling. I’d like to bring several critical items to your attention, and ask you to contact us within two business days with your proposed timeline for remedying the situations described below.
Some background: Mom was on a waiting list for a unit for many months. She was offered a floor plan that she liked, and offered a move-in date of August 10, which she took. She was not allowed to see the apartment before move-in day, or we kids would have never let her sign the lease. When asked about the conditions, the gal on duty admitted they didn’t have time to clean and repair the way they wanted to… So surely you’ll be ready to come in this week and bring it up to move-in condition.
1) The master bathroom toilet is cracked and has been rudely glued back together. In addition, the bolts that hold it to the floor have been rusted for years, and are no longer hidden by the caps that were once there. It needs to be replaced.
2) The master bathroom shower door is encrusted with mold. Surely you’d want your new tenants to have a cleaner environment on the day they walk in and begin use. It needs to be replaced.
3) The second bathroom toilet’s bolts are also exposed and rusted. Mom has her grandchildren visit from time to time, and exposed, rusted bolts in a bathroom are not acceptable from a health or an aesthetic standpoint. They need to be covered completely, or it needs to be replaced.
4) The kitchen is the worst we’ve seen. Recently painted, there are coats of red paint and blue paint that are marring the cabinets. And you can see lines of red paint at every intersection and corner. She admitted she’d be embarrassed to have friends over with the kitchen looking as it does today.
5) What’s worse? Most drawers are filthy, and are no longer held up and in by any rails, so they flop out of the cabinets unsupported. Mom has not been able to put anything away in the kitchen in the three days since she moved in.
6) The stove is so old that all of the guides (on/off, temperature, etc.) have been long worn off. Apparently the thing still works, but since we’ve deemed the kitchen unusable, we don’t know. Again, it seems as a matter of safety that you’d have the courtesy to replace appliances when they’ve clearly served more than their fair share of time.
We were very excited to have mom move back to her old apartment complex. But to have her move into an old, unkempt and unsafe unit is a poor reflection on not only you, but on everyone involved.
Please call me at your earliest convenience to let me know when we might expect replacements and repairs to be made.
